Time out! Let’s take a break from planned out posts and series (which just happen to be a lifesaver when it comes to maintaining consistency on a blog). I just want to process where I am in life right now.
Don’t you miss blogs that are like that? Where the author treats it like a diary and shares about their day or week whether it’s “on-brand” or not? I kind of hate the term “on-brand” now. It makes sense for a business to have a specific look and subject matter, but when it keeps you from being real half the time, it can get old.
I’ve been gritting my teeth lately and my shoulders have been tight. I’m holding a lot of stress in my jaw and upper back. It’s like I can’t relax. When I think of feeling relaxed, I picture a wet noodle loosely flopping around, but right now I feel like a dry noodle, stiff and straight and brittle.
My skin’s a mess too and I haven’t had anything green to eat in a while. So, I’m stressed, spotty, brittle and not eating well, but I’m also incredibly thankful for the reason why.
I just started a new part-time job. In addition to running Sel Rosé and working as an office manager for a local non-profit, I’m a receptionist a couple of days a week in a medical clinic. I don’t wear scrubs because I never do anything medicinal, I answer phones, take care of billing, and do a myriad of other tasks in dress pants and nice flats. It’s fun getting up and out of the house in business attire and I enjoy what I’m doing! Two days a week isn’t too much by any means, and a lot of you are probably rolling your eyes that such a small commitment would stress me out, but it’s not the two days themselves, it’s figuring out how to do everything else the other three days of the week!
How do I organize better to stay on top of jewelry orders, blog posts, and all of the special stuff that comes along like marketing opportunities and planning for the holidays? What have I gotten used to that will have to change like having an hour quiet time in the morning or long lunches with friends? And, I didn’t come out of the womb knowing how to do everything related to being a receptionist. I’ve had to learn a lot in a very short period of time, and sometimes, I still have questions.
Eventually, all of those questions will be answered, I’ll have become much better at staying organized, and what is new will become normal, but it’s that uncomfortable in-between space that I’m acknowledging right now. Retha Nichole from the podcast “My Light Still Shines” posted a graphic on Instagram this morning that said “Be brave enough to be bad at something new.” A part of me can’t wait to be past this stressful and pressure-filled phase (and man, I hope my skin clears up) and on to a time when I can breathe better, but I won’t get there by not being brave enough to be bad at it for a little while! And there is something beneficial about feeling this way.
I had been praying that the Lord would provide me with another part-time job, preferably something where I could be out and around people, then come home and be done with it for the day. That’s exactly what he gave me, and I am so thankful. But, again, I’m acknowledging this feeling and the fact that it’s okay to feel it. And, I wanted to say to any of you who have felt that way before or are feeling it right this minute, It’s okay to feel pressured and stressed out by something new, even if it’s something you asked for. This feeling of weakness can be used as a reminder of how we are always weak and in need of God’s strength. I have felt so aware of Him over the last few days because I feel my need of Him more acutely. That’s awesome! Sitting in that weakness and thanking Him for His provision can only be a good thing.